Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
