Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
