Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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