Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
