Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
