If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
