We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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