were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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