i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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