You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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