I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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