Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
