She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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