So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
