My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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