Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
