he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
