Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
