you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
