The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
