3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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