i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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