I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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