The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
