I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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