wanna go halves on a baby?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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