I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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