made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
