You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
