is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
