Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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