shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize