Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
