Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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