I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
