Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Say something about gay babies.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
