everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
