At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
