I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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