What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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