So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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