dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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