I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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