Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
