So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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