She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
