god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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