he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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