Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
