I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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