I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
