I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
