True but thats because hes a fetus.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
