Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
