Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
