He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
