there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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