Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I currently don't understand fingers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
