I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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